I will wait

I shouldn't miss thy sight
Therefore am blinking less.
Standing at the door
With my tears suppress.
Heart throbbing
Still beating in tandem.
Breath is heavy
And somewhat random.
Stoned is what
My eyes are becoming.
You know I will wait
Though I know you ain't coming.

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The Black Camphor

This morning was different than other mornings. The random noises of relatives and utensils were comparatively more aggravating than ever. She tried to cover her head inside the blanket thinking she could barricade the sound for some more time and could complete her sleep, but it was never to be happened as her mother entered the room howling.

“Get up you sloth. And go to the beauty parlor with your cousin.”

“It is only 8 am mom. No parlor would be open and I have been going to the parlor almost every day from last week.”

“Don’t you dare to say this. I have already requested the parlor owner to open the parlor early today. Moreover, you would be saved from the barging sunlight if you go now and your black, sickening skin may look good for a while.”

Her mom rushed out of the room crushing the sentiments and sleep of her daughter, ‘Sunaina’. She was 28 now and her father was trying to get her married from last 3 years. Despite of having an attractive figure and height she lacked something which Indian people cherish about, the fair complexion. Irrespective of the fact that Indians have been complaining about the racist attacks on them, this community is known as one of the most racist in the entire world. No matter what, color matters…at least in India.     

It wasn’t the first time that she was hearing something nasty and devastating. Still, her big and beautiful eyes were filled with tears.  She slowly stood up from the bed and stared her face in the mirror.

Starting from the school days, she had tolerated the spears of hatred and biased words. Her friends, classmates, cousins and co-workers everyone had suggested her  to use ‘n’ number of creams to make her  skin fairer  but she wondered why people could not love her the way she was…dark and beautiful.

It was ok until her own parents started impugning her for her complexion. She was made to remember every time that she was dark and hence, ugly. For them, only fair could be beautiful.  As retaliation, she wanted to hate herself and peel out the dark skin from her body but she neither had that cruelty nor courage. Old sentences echoed in her brain…  

‘Kali Kaluti, Bengan looti’ (a racist line in ‘Hindi’ to address people with darker complexion).

Sunaina came out of her room. A distinct smell of refined oil and unknown dishes distressed her nose.  She covered her nose with her ‘duppata’. The house was looking chaotic. Everyone was busy in arranging and rearranging the things, and making eatables for the special guests. It was the first time when a groom’s family had accepted their invitation to visit their home and ‘see’ her. Otherwise, the photograph of her was all what it normally took other families to decide that she was a misfit for their son.  No matter what the color of the ‘to be groom’ was…they all wanted fairer brides…all of them. 

She stood there for some time robotized thinking about nothing but destiny of her and girls like her. Women are supposed to sacrifice and love all. They are somewhat like ‘camphor’. They burn from within and give light and fragrance to others. They are untainted but still are often devalued by society and underrated than others. But this wasn’t the end of the suffering for the ladies with darker complexion. They are humiliated, insulted and ill-treated by the so called ‘fair society’ of their own brothers, sisters, uncles and parents. They were nothing but black camphor.

The clock was ticking fast. She went to the parlor where she was treated like some dirty cloth. She was ‘cleansed’ and ‘bleached’ with different creams; so that the menace of darker complexion could go away or at least fade a little. She sat restlessly without responding to scratching and burning she endured on her skin. She knew that the lady working there was only completing the formality. She wanted to justify the money she was getting…nothing else.

She had been undergoing such a treatment for a week now. She had seen other beautiful ladies winking to each other after seeing her. She had heard their voiceless cynicism. She had felt as a victim of their malice thinking. She had been ignored, segregated and ill-treated in this parlor. And in riposte she had wondered about the beauty of this beautiful parlor.      

“Didi…there is a little dry patch here.” Her cousin tried to attract the attention of the girl working in the salon.

“It doesn’t matter” The lady answered without even looking at Sunaina.

There was a silence after that. No, it doesn’t matter how her skin looked because no cream could make it better than it already was.

She entered her room silently after returning from the parlor. There was a huddle discussion already going on with her mother and aunties as participants. As soon as she entered the room, they stopped talking. Her mom looked at her and shook her head in abhorrence and grief. Aunties started whispering about the outcome of the parlor quest.

“Try to apply some extra powder…your dad had worked hard for this…don’t ruin it.”

“Try Pond’s talcum powder…it works well with people of your skin color.” One of the aunties suggested.

“But it is not natural. ‘Vicco’ would be better…it is natural and works well.”

“What are you talking…look at her…no cream will work effectively.”

Sunaina stood there with her gaze towards ground witnessing the rape of her self-respect and dignity. Her voice lurked under her own conscience to gather some power of protest but all she found was misery and inability to decline on all creams and powder curriculum. She looked at her mother from the corner of her eyes hoping to get some support. She too was gazing downwards, as if, ashamed to give birth to an unfair girl. Drops of briny water swam across her cornea and after some struggle paved their way to wash out her makeup.  Her mother quickly pinched her and her eyes with increased circumference suggested not to cry as the tears may completely wash out the makeup.

Soon she was left alone to stare the mirror and curse her dark complexion. She poured some water into the glass and drank it. The water appeased her stress and anger to a certain level.  She wiped her lips and kept the glass on the table. There was not much time left. She looked at the dress which was chosen by her mom and aunties.  The light blue Salwar suit with golden and colored embroidery was looking decent. She had a close look. The embroidery was actually a picture of several pigeon. The light colored pigeons were flying and the black ones were eating something sitting on a golden ground which looked like a net. She thought it was like her life. Her cousins who were fairer than her were allowed to go anywhere, wear anything and eat anything. But she was always restricted to certain colors, edibles and places. She was a black pigeon.

She looked at the mirror. Her heart skipped couple of beats in horror. She had wiped her semi-pink lipstick color while drinking water. She felt the hot rush of blood as she heard someone’s footstep near her room’s door. She quickly took out the pink lipstick and applied on her lips as professionally as she could. It was not perfect but neither was the earlier one.

“Are you dressed?” Her mother entered her room.

“No”

“Why?”

“Just finishing with the make-up”

“Apply some powder too.”

Sunaina looked at her mother with thousands of questions in her eyes.

“We are your parents Sunaina. We want the best for you. I want you to look a bit fairer if not like a princess.”

“Mother, is it not enough which I have done”

“Look at other girls. They look better than you even without makeup. I am so nervous. I will have to keep away all the girls. I don’t want ‘them’ to choose anyone else instead of you.”

“What about the white dress I chose to wear?”

“Are you crazy? Look at yourself. I am not sure how you would look even in blue and you are talking about white. You would look no better than coal in that.”

“Mother”

“Shut up and listen to me. Don’t utter a word unless asked. Do not make eye contact with anyone. We will tell them that the edibles had been made by you. So, if they ask just nod your head in agreement. And yes, we have kept your chair just under the tube light so that you look fairer…rest lies with GOD.”

The tension in the house rose to the highest level. People looked at the watch with every beat of their heart. Everything was arranged; the sweets, cold-drinks, samosa and so on. The other girls were strictly asked to remain inside their rooms. Only the girls under 12 were allowed. They decided that Sunaina would be called only after all the other formalities, so that ‘they’ would get less time to analyze her beauty.

After a slight delay of an hour a car stopped in front of Sunaina’s house.  4 people came out of the car and were greeted by Sunaina’s parents with excitement and enthusiasm.  Soon everyone was settled and guests were fed with lots of sweets, samosas and tea. There was a long session of introduction between guests and Sunaina’s relatives. There was a pin drop silence in the room after that for almost two minutes, which was ultimately broken by Sunaina’s dad.

“Sunaina is a very talented girl. She is not only working in an MNC but also is excellent in domestic works. In fact, everything which you see here had been made by her.”

Guests said nothing but smiled. Every one of them was fair. The ‘to be groom’ was looking like price charming and his sister was no less than a princess. After seeing them, Sunaina’s family was on back foot. They had no option but to make excuses and prove how talented Sunaina was.

“So, what is the name of the MNC she works in?” The boy asked after a long waiting.

Sunaina’s father and mother looked at each other’s face. In fact they never knew it. They never took interest in Sunaina’s career. They allowed her to work just because they had heard that working brides are preferred these days.

“It is a big company. Why don’t you ask Sunaina? I think she would be able to answer it better than me. Young people should interact now…what say Mr. Sharma?” Sunaina’s father said with a grin on his face.

“Why not? We also want to see her.”

Sunaina’s mother walked in to fetch her while father continued talking.

“She isn’t well you know. Seasonal fever… It is unfortunate that she is not at her best in your presence.”

“That’s ok…I know seasonal fever is on peak…Manav’s mother had fever a week ago.”

Manav, the ‘to be’ groom’s mother looked fair like goddess. Her pink blush was attracting random eyes more than Sunaina could afford even at her best. Sunaina’s father saw her from the corner of his eyes.

“It must be a light fever.” Sunaina’s father smirked again.

Sunaina entered with her mother. She looked taller and fairer than ever; though her skin color was still the darkest there. Her eyes looked big and beautiful. Her slender lips looked well sculptured and juicy. She walked perfectly like a typical traditional Indian girl showing nothing which could be blamed to be ‘sexy’.  She greeted everyone and sat on the chair pre-assigned to her.

“Why don’t you sit with us?” Manav’s mom asked.

“No…no…she should sit there…she is suffering from cold too…it is contagious…you see.” Sunaina’s mother didn’t waste a fraction of second in interrupting.

A strange silence prevailed in which people looked at each other’s face, knowing nothing what to talk about. Sunaina’s parents were hoping that Manav will ask something but that never happened.

“Excuse me…I need to take this call.” Manav stood and walked outside the house.

As soon as Manav left the house, the shoulder of Sunaina’s parents dropped, understanding why Manav left the house with an excuse.

“He could have taken the call after some time.” Manav’s mother complained.

“Could be from his office…that’s ok…I understand how career oriented and ambitious kids are these days. Sunaina is also one of them.” Sunaina’s father no longer had control over his grin.

Clock’s hands ran rapidly, and after almost an hour Manav reentered the house. The sweets and other edible items were over; mostly eaten by Sunaina’s relatives and a second tea session had ended as well.  Soon after his arrival it was decided that the meeting should be concluded.  Nobody from Sunaina’s family dared to ask Manav or his family about their opinion on marriage. They were afraid, as it was almost clear that they didn’t like her.

“We will call you.” Mr. Sharma had something to say only after reaching safely inside the car.

Manav looked towards the house and noticed Sunaina standing in the balcony. He turned his gaze towards the steering wheel.

“They said nothing.” Sunaina’s mother asked.

“What do you expect them to say…had I been in their place I would not have even bothered to sit here for couple of hours…I would have rather keep my son unmarried for whole life than getting him married with an ugly girl like her…doesn’t even die.”

“What are you saying?”

“So…what should I say? They approached us…and they happily accepted my invitation to come here…now after seeing that menace, they didn’t even respond properly…didn’t you notice that boy…office, my foot…it was all after he saw her obnoxious face…”

“She is your daughter.”

“It is better to remain daughter less than having this hoodoo.”

Sunaina’s father rushed to his room and slammed the door with all his power. Her mother sat on the chair with her hands on her forehead. Relatives started whispering among themselves.

Sunaina on the other hand stood still in the balcony, listening to her own father. Inside of her head, she was the maltreated lady who had found the courage to move on with her life. And she had been finding it, over and over again, after every insult and painful episode. She wiped tears coming out of her eyes and it was a straight ‘no’ to all the powders, creams, bleaches and cleansing. She felt that she love herself more than ever. She looked towards the sky. There were few fairer pigeons flying freely.

She noticed her mobile vibrating.

“Hello”

“Hello, how are you?”

“Why did you walked out?”

“I got a call from the dealer…you remember…the house I am willing to purchase.”

“My parents thought you rejected me.”

“Poor they, how can they even think this…you are so beautiful…nobody can reject you.”

“Enough of flattering…what did your parents say?”

“They said…‘Yes’…they liked you but they didn’t like that you fell ill more often…common cold and fever…my god…you parents are so dramatic…they can win in ‘India’s best Dramebaaz’…”

“Shut up…they are my parents…so…when will you send message to my parents?”

“Tomorrow…my parents will send our priest to give your family the message and find an appropriate time for marriage.”

“Ok…then will see you tomorrow in the office.”

“Sunaina…listen”

“What”

“I love you.”

Sunaina had tears in her eyes…but it wasn’t of grief. It was of love and happiness. She was happy that she met Manav in the office where she worked. They made a plan so that marriage would look arranged. Now when everything was fine, a new hope of a new life was knocking Sunaina’s conscience.

“I love you too Manav”

She disconnected the call and looked up in the sky. The fairer pigeons were joined by some darker ones and they looked beautiful than they ever did. They were flying freely…together. Sunaina had a smile on her lips.

  

     

   

    

     

 

     

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An Old Umbrella

He walked straight into the ‘Barista’ and stood for a minute to feel the comfort of AC. It was burning outside that café. The sun rays were plunging on to the surface of the earth with its full intensity. The moisture from air was long gone and the wind was carrying only dust and pollution. While the heat was bashing on the glass doors of café, it was soothing and cool inside it.

He was 60+ and his skin had countless wrinkles. He was wearing a white shirt which no longer resembled its true shine. It had become pale brownish, thanks to the expensive vehicles running wildly on the roads. His pants were parallel and black in color. His shoes were perhaps the style symbol of 80s but for now it was nothing but stale. Its color was unidentified and skin was scratched to anonymity by the time. He was carrying an umbrella covered with a plastic wrapper. It was big and the standard one which had been already banned by the young community.  

He stood with closed eyes for almost a minute and then sat down. The attendants and waiters of the café saw him fiercely; as if understood that he was there only to take some cold air. They could not tolerate that one of their exquisite tables was occupied by an incumbent un-buyer. What if most of the tables were unoccupied and there were not even a handful of customers, this old man was definitely harming their reputation by his obnoxious outfit and unwelcome personality. The manager signaled one of his subordinates to address the unlikely emergency.

‘What would you like to have sir?’

The attendant threw a question with a big but fake smile on his face (as if purchased from some peddler in a lost bargain).

The old man got nervous and looked at the smiling face of the attendant. His expressionless face indicated that he had no idea what to say or order. The smile on the face of attendant grew bigger, almost crossing the limitations of his cheek.

“If you want to sit here, you need to order something…if you are not sure I can give you our menu-card…you can choose something from it.”

The suggestion was reasonable. Old man shook his head in agreement. The attendant didn’t waste a single second in giving him a menu card.

’59.00, 69.00, 89.00…399.00’, the old man browsed through the entire menu with an astonishment on his face. He could feel Goosebumps on his body owing to the prices. He at once stood up and headed towards the gate. He thought if he would stay there the attendant would definitely make him purchase something. He had only 100 rupee note in the pocket which was his fare for the bus. With his umbrella held tightly in one hand, he quickly touched his upper pocket by the other hand to make sure that the note was still there. Everyone’s sarcastic laugh escorted him to the door and pushed him out.

He felt scared of looking back. He quickly moved towards a building with big strides. The wind crashed with his face and burnt even the tiniest amount of moisture hiding in the pores of his skin, leaving the face partially scorched.     

After walking almost a kilometer, he entered a big air-conditioned building. It was swarming with people. Everyone looked at him in disgust. The crowd was well dressed and their ‘so called’ mannerism was pasted on their faces as a pass to enter that building. The old man looked more like a perfect blot in their perfumed ambiance. He looked here and there in fear and confusion.

“What do you want old man?”

The guard rushed towards the old man and asked rudely, as if he was a threat to his employment.

“I am here to see my son. It is his birthday.”

“What is the name of your son?” The guard stared him viciously.

“Rudra Kumar Sharma”

The old man handed over a visiting card to the guard.

“You are his father?”

“Yes”

The guard looked astonished. He signaled the old man to sit on the sofa placed near the reception area. He went to the other guard who had the authority to dial numbers. He told him about the old man. The other guard too looked in deep cynicism. He twitched his shoulders and dialed a number.

Rudra Kumar Sharma or RD was marketing manager of the company. He was agile and dynamic. MBA in marketing and six-sigma certified. He was one of the most admired employees working there. 

Old man sat on the sofa and started looking everywhere. The centralized AC was giving him a good feeling. He kept the umbrella beside him and wiped his face with the handkerchief; perhaps wanted to look dust free and confident when his son approaches.

“Sir, he is in meeting.” The guard broke his sanity process.

“How much time would it take?”

“Nobody knows sir…could be hours? Why don’t you come tomorrow?”

“I want to meet him today…it’s his birthday…I will wait.”

The guard opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. He turned towards his designated place and tried to keep off his eyes from that old man.

The old man pasted his eye sight on a painting. It had bright colors, lively and blissful. He could not understand that what exactly was painted but he could see shards and boxes of different dimensions. Its outline was distinct and vibrant. May be it was a 3d painting.

A man walked anxiously outside his house. He was sweating and his heartbeat was out of control. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. His breath was fast and deep. He was holding a cloth piece in his hand which was being used to wipe out the constantly flowing sweat.  His body was slumping forward and steps were toddling. He clutched the washbasin made in the gallery for support; he could not endure the pain of waiting anymore. Practically, it was his wife who was going through the labor of delivering the baby but the trail of pain was evidently visible on his face.

“Sir…”

The guard saved the old man from reliving those painful moments. The old man almost got shaken by guard’s sudden voice.

“Sir, you have been waiting for hours now. May be sir is very busy in meeting. Please come tomorrow.”

“I have waited 4 hours at his birth time…there was no one to help at that time. It is the same day today. Have you informed him that his father is here?” Old man smiled.

“Yes…in fact, I have informed the receptionist there. I am sure she would have delivered the message.”

“Can’t you dial on his mobile directly?”

“No sir…I could not…I just tried but it is coming not reachable.”

“Then I guess I have no option but to wait.”

The guard had nothing to say. He scratched his head and after rearranging his cap, he went to his position again.   

“It is an opportunity of overtime and you are saying no to it. Are you in your senses?” Ramesh, a 29 years old manager was almost staggered.

 “Yes sir.”

 “You know that the compensation we offer for overtime is double…right?”

“Yes”

“And you want to go home just because it is your son’s birthday and you don’t want to be late today?”

“Yes”

Manager shook his head in distrust and waved his hand towards the door. He looked at the manager with an expressionless face and moved out of the door. He knew that he was saying ‘No’ to the manager which could prove very costly in later stages. His manager was crooked and a wicked man. He either would put pressure on him at work or can even fire him as well. But he had not missed a single birthday of his son in years and he wanted to continue this trend.

The old man had been waiting for almost the whole day. It was evening now. He was changing his position frequently now, which indicated his anxiety and uneasiness. Now the centralized Ac was no longer soothing, it was chilling. The cold air he inhaled had started to freeze his emotions and fatherly love. His blood pumped up and down. He tried to concentrate on different things but his patience had betrayed him already. People’s eyes were blistering his heart and his brain was haunted by their whispers. He looked at the guard. He had a pitiful look.

The old man stood up and walked towards the gate with a heavy heart. He limped throughout the gallery. His confidence was crushed and trust was shattered on the marble floor of that multi-storey building. His love was lost in the buzzing sound of different voices. He kept on limping until he reached outside. Slowly like a melting ice cube, he disappeared in fainting light of the sun.

The guard suddenly found that old man was gone. He walked near the sofa, the umbrella was still there. He picked it up. It was carefully wrapped in plastic and there was a small note inside it.

“Did he leave it?” The second guard asked.

“Yes”

“Poor he”

“His son must be one of the biggest scoundrels to disrespect such a loving father.”

“Don’t say that”

“Why?”

“You don’t know but there is a sad story.”

“What?”

“His son had died couple of years ago in an accident…right in front of this gate.”

“Oh”

“He came here last year as well…poor father…”

The guard said nothing but opened the note with tears in his eyes.

‘Happy Birthday…Son…I am gifting you my favorite umbrella which have you always liked.

-          From your loving father’

The heat outside reduced and there was no wind anymore. Everything looked still and calm. People were still swarming but somehow there was a silence…a post death silence.

  

 

       

             

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A Few Words…

He sat still on his sepia chair staring the blank face of MS word on his ‘Acer laptop’. His eyes kept on pondering through the layers of his upcoming story and meeting unborn characters. After almost half an hour of gazing and thinking he pushed his chair with his back, making some space for his long legs which were literally stuck between the chair and the table. 

    

He picked up a pen from the table, a Reynolds’s bold pen with a very familiar white body and a blue cap. It was hard to understand why he was so fond of pen, even though, he had nothing to do with pen now. It was all on the laptop.  He gradually, almost in slow motion, took the pen to his mouth. The upper part of the cap was chewed, suggesting that it was not the first time when the cap had become the victim of his writer’s block. He started chewing the hapless cap again, perhaps wishing he could extract some potion of creativity from the cap. With a determination and focus, he kept on chewing the cap for almost 15 minutes…the page was still blank.

All of a sudden he threw the pen on the table and sighed. Indicating, the story inside him was yet not uniform and hence could not take shape of words…at least for now. He could feel the strong currents of the story inside him as if it was a high-tide in the ocean of an unknown fable.    

He rubbed his eyes with both of his hand and fixed it on a painting clinging to the front wall. It was hanged a bit low on the wall than usual. It was a painting of a ‘cheetah’ hunting a ‘chinkara’. Studded with vibrant colors and realistic expressions, it was no less than a masterpiece. He probably remembered the place where he purchased this from. It was swarming with pedestrians and slowly crawling vehicles. He scratched his head in frustration of not remembering the name of that place. It was ‘Sheena’ or ‘Fancy’ market or probably something else…situated in the heart of Kolkata.  It was a very hot day when he saw this painting searching a place amongst many other paintings in a shop. It was a co-incident that he saw it and purchased it, was a hard bargain though. He smiled. On the course of enjoying the colors of the painting, he remembered something. He shook his head and wondered whether it was true that one should not keep a painting symbolizing violence in the house, it brings negativity. He kept on observing the violent yet beautiful painting for almost 40 minutes.

His eyes roamed back to the white and wordless page of MS word. He wobbled his head in disgust. He required tranquility to keep his ideas flowing like a stream.

He stood and flipped the painting so that he could no longer be distracted due to that. He moved to the kitchen and put some coffee, sugar and hot milk in a designer cup. After a gradual shake, he returned to the sepia chair.

He closed his inquisitive eyes and took a sip of the coffee. It tasted like a bitter cough syrup prescribed by his family doctor…he hated him. But it was still ok to bring turbulence among the thoughts. He looked at the rather complex menu of MS word. It was office edition 2010. He rolled his lower lips outwards; indicating his inability to understand the menu and its relevance…word 2003 was much easier for sure. And who could forget the office assistant in the earlier versions of MS office.

‘It used to be fun.’ He thought and smiled. He took a few sips of the coffee. Now he was feeling better. He moved back in his chair, adjusted himself comfortably against the ochre cushion and looks up at the wall again. The painting was flipped now. The brown color back of the painting was emitting a rather pale feeling which was good repellant. He clinched his head and focused again on the blank sheet of MS word. It was a murder mystery he wanted to write, a story of a serial killer. He had done all the research. He had the plot and the characters. All he required to do was the arrangement. It had been hours now that he was trying to write a word and somehow he had started to feel that it wasn’t the day.

‘The red, thick blood dripped from her veins and spread on the white floor, giving it a red essence.’  

He stopped for a while and read the line again. It was good, he thought. He stretched his fingers and adjusted himself on the chair. A smile of satisfaction was still on his lips; alas the story had started. He started thinking about the story again, but this time more he thought about the story, more sounds of appreciation he heard in his conscious. A murder mystery of its own kind written by him; he imagined himself sitting in a book signing event. How jealous his friends would be?

Suddenly he remembered something. He quickly minimized the page of the word file and opened the browser. He entered the ‘URL’ of Facebook, he was already logged in. He surfed through the different pages and pictures. He couldn’t remember when he had a long conversation with any of his friends. A quick call or mostly ‘Whatsapp’ was all his social interaction with them these days.

‘Wrote something intriguing today, going strong…hell ya’

He tweeted. He had 500+ followers on twitter but he didn’t know most of them. These followers never tweeted or re-tweeted anything. They were just numbers…but who cares…number is all what people see. He remembered how he was criticized when he shared a line from his story. His friends said that there was too much gore and blood in that.

He restored the word page again. All he could read was ‘blood’ in bold. He closed his eyes and allowed a big sigh out of his mouth. He shook his head and deleted the first line of his story which he thought could win a ‘booker’s award’ for him someday. The page was blank again.

He bumped his fist on the table in frustration. The laptop jumped and settled down again on the same place. Could his thoughts reach out to him across layers of skepticism, shards of cynicism and fog of unreal friends?

He stood and walked towards the storeroom. A foul smell filled his nostrils. He opened the door and entered the room. The whole room was chilled like a cold storage. He stepped forward and switched on the lights. The whole room was divided in little compartments. He moved ahead slowly and observed every compartment keenly. His palate was in writing, some real writing. He stretched his hand and started stroking something. It was a dead body of a girl. A thin line of blood was still visible on her white face. He kissed the body on its forehead. Once, she was his girlfriend…now she was his research.

Every compartment of that room was occupied by a dead body. He slowly walked by every dead body with a grin on his face. Every one of them had a familiar face. They were his friends, the friends who never appreciated his writing. They thought his research was an utter insanity. His dedication towards his writing was nothing but a faux. They made fun of his writing and laughed their heart out on his dreams. He heard everyone until his birthday. They had decided to ruin his birthday party by asking him to quit writing and do something more fruitful. And his girlfriend, who once claimed to be his number one fan, also supported the nuisance of his friend. Nobody cherished his dreams and nobody noticed the tears falling seamlessly from his eyes that day. He poisoned them all. It had been 3 days and nobody knew that where are they? He had made that store a sanctuary of ACs to save the bodies from decaying. Now, all of these bodies were serving as an inspiration for his new murder story.

He went back to the laptop and started typing flawlessly.   

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I didn’t believe in ghost until that day

‘Seeing a cat isn’t a problem, the problem is when it disappears.’

A chilling night of December was enough to make me feel awkward but on top of that my ongoing exams were adding the pressure on me. I was not sure how long it would have taken to complete the final sample paper. It was already 1:15 am in a night of December winter. I was preparing for my examinations in my room which was on the 3^rd floor of the house. It was chilling outside the house, enough to slow down the beating of a heart. I was trying hard to keep myself warm and to remain awake inside the blanket. But after some time I succumbed against the dozing eyes and killing cold, I closed my book and looked at the clock; it was 1:25 am. I stood up to have some water. Suddenly I thought that I heard a voice, like someone whispering. I heeded it. It was the sound of singing on the terrace above. It was not carrying any tune, but piping shrill and melodious. Such a sound in cold was enough to send shivers in the spine of a common man; but it was more than the fear of a physical invader that held me frozen. I could not define the horror that gripped me. 

There was a time when I was frequently haunted by nightmares that made me remain awake in the middle of the night with a cold sweat and tossing and turning here and there, screaming. It went on for months and yet I didn't tell anybody, not a single soul. Suddenly it all stopped.

Fear does not have any clinical definition. It is an emotion, trauma, entertainment or myth. It is perhaps an intense, painful feeling of repugnance. The senses paralyses and heart beat comes a halt for certain time. It is hard to explain.

The strange paralysis that had held me was broken after a few moments. I took a step toward the door, and then checked myself. I came out of the appalling door and moved towards the stairs. I was not running. The tread was deliberate and measured than ever. It was dark near the stairs.

I heard the stairs began to creak. A groping hand, moving along the balustrade, came into the bar of moonlight; then another, and a ghastly thrill went through my body, as I saw that the other hand gripped a hatchet -- a hatchet which dripped blackly. Was that thief who was coming down that stair?

My heart started pounding as never before. Terror held me like a vice-like grip. The torture of my indecision and fear threatened to crush me. I saw two eyes blinking and coming towards me. All of a sudden I felt the rush of blood inside the veins of my body. I was trying to shout...but it was a distant dream as I could not even breathe properly at that moment.

I had seen it in many movies by then. An unknown mask-man with a machete or hatchet comes slowly and if you are lucky enough you won’t see him. If otherwise, before you could scream, his hatchet with flung in air and your intestines will be spread over the floor, pouring red and thick blood all over.

It moved towards me with no sound but tweak of the stairs. It was all spooky and sense of encountering something evil was dominating my thoughts. As the distance reduced between me and the glittering eyes, I closed my eyes…as tight as I could. I knew that anytime that hatchet with segregate my head from rest of my body.

Nothing happened.

I opened eyes and saw no one near me or the stair. I quickly saw behind me to make sure that no hatchet is swinging towards me. Anyways a person is killed in a movie when he is least alert and feeling secure. There was nothing. I could only see two fireflies in some distance and assumed that the glittering eyes were nothing but these fireflies.

I again moved towards the terrace. I could see a hatchet hanging on the wall. I reached the terrace. It was cold like ice out there. I shivered at the phrase, staring uneasily at the terrace walls that shut them in. The scent of the pines was mingled with the odors of unfamiliar plants and blossoms. But underlying all was a reek of rot and decay. Again a sick abhorrence of these dark mysterious woodlands almost overpowered me. The voices of dog-cry and cats were not helping at all. It seemed that a cry was crying just near our house.

I was again drowned in the feeling of fear and disgust. It was not only chilling but a sense of fear also captured me deep in my heart. I was somehow so frightened that the blood drained from my face, turning it to ghastly waxen color; my fists were clenched, white knuckled, against my flat bosom. I felt goose bombs all over my body.  It was like I have forgotten to be happy and a deep sorrow penetrated my heart.

I heard voice of someone crying on the terrace now. It was like a child’s cry. I put pressure on my eyes. It decreased in size and the visibility increased a bit. It was a small shadow, more like a cat. It was not moving, still, grounded but emitting a sound…a hellish sound which could extract blood out of your veins and make it filled with only sorrow and death. The speed of my mind was retarded to nothing. I could not think anything but horrors. I crouched and moved one more step ahead, the cat was eating something.

When I was a kid, my granny used to tell the stories of a devil cat. People say it was a woman, cursed by the witch-craft and black magic. She became a cat and fed upon the dead bodies and little children. It used to kill sleeping people as well. When people used to sleep unconsciously, unaware of what horror was approaching them; this cat would appear from nowhere and would start licking the toe of sleeping man or woman. People believed it was a kind of black spell which used to make that person go into deep sleep. And after confirming the deep sleep, this cat would kill the person and behead it to eat. There was a time when the whole village gathered to search and kill that cat but nobody could find it. It is said that this cat travels from place to place, killing people and feeding upon their heads.

As soon as I remembered the story my heart froze into nothing but a mass of cold ice. I could not feel heartbeat. The saliva gathered into my throat but could not swallow it. Afraid of the fact, that swallowing could make some sound which would attract the attention of the cat which could be the same devilish cat. I don’t know why I stepped ahead. My foot landed on something slippery. Was it blood?

I had no idea why I even tried to go and see on the terrace, how I could forget the horrors of the terrace especially after 12 am midnight. I was terrified by the fact that I was standing on blood of someone and the cat probably was eating someone’s head. I had no torch and even my mobile had dim light. But I took out the mobile, The different pages of virtual worlds like Facebook, Google+, Twitter and instagram were still loading on it. I tried to see the color of the fluid on the terrace with the mobile light. It was red. Suddenly my heart beat went louder, I could hear the pounding in my ears and few drops of sweat appeared on my forehead. Somehow I was recalling all the horror stories have ever heard.

I was 16 when I visited one of my friend’s house. It was in Himachal Pradesh. It was a fruitful stay until I noticed that not everything was right there. I saw a little girl in the bathroom. I thought she is the member of the family but I never saw her with rest of the family. After a day I requested my friend to stop that girl from going to my bathroom but he told me that there was no girl in family. I was shit scared and after that day here was constantly something happening. Doors flying open and shut, voices, footsteps. Nothing ever stayed where you put it. I was not alone there but either it was only me who was seeing things or my friend was lying to me and they knew what was it?

‘Stuff that's hidden, murky and ambiguous is scary because you don't know what it does’.

It was only a horrific day when I came to know that my friend had a niece, who died in that bathroom, drowned in the bathtub. Her spirit remained there and started to haunt everyone. Even after returning Delhi from there, I could not go to the bathroom at night. I always felt as if someone was there…may be that girl.

It was a gut-level disturbing reality now that there was a huge possibility that this cat was a Satan. I pulled my step back, slowly, without making any noise. I could feel as if somebody was squeezing my heart apart. I slowly moved to the stair and as soon as I kept my first step onto the stair, the cat started crying again. It was an ominous sound.

The sound continued to plunge inside my ears but brain I wasn't scared, and I didn't feel anger or any strong emotion. In fact, it was like emotion was trickling out of me somehow, and I was getting more blank, more empty. My mind started feeling a little hazy and more and more I felt like I simply didn't care about anything. A small and rapidly dwindling part of myself started to panic, knew that something bad was happening, but it was like my own inner voice was slowly getting quieter and quieter. My feet became heavy and breathe deeper. I had to literally drag my legs to my room.

I didn’t know why I was so afraid, so scared and panicked. It was just a cat. But I had the fear of cats since I was a kid and there is a reason behind it. I was seven when I killed a cat by throwing it from 2^nd floor. The cat fall straight down and collided with a rock. Its head broke and it died almost instantly. I received a lot of heat from my father on this topic. But to my amazement, I saw that very cat alive the next day, following its daily routine. Everybody believed that this cat was different but I knew it was not. It was the same cat. I could see it in its eyes. It’s hazy and brownish eyes which were like fire of hell… was giving out the imprints of an immortal devil; that couldn’t be killed or buried in mere soil. It kept on returning to haunt us and to spread hatred, unlikeness and dismay.   

I and my friends also tried to dig the place where cat was buried. But we could find no body, not even the maggots.

I dragged myself into my room and closed the door. I felt relieved that I was back in the room and was not killed by spirits or ghosts. I locked my door properly and turned around. Suddenly the lights fluctuated and I saw something which I cannot explain.

A 6 feet tall woman was standing there in black. She had no legs; she was hovering on the air. Her black hair had covered her half body. The hair was floating in the air as if it was in water. She was smiling and her smile was bigger than what her face could afford, as if her cheeks were cut with a sharp blade. Her brownish and sharp teeth were visible with red pieces of meat stuck in it. She had whiskers like cats do. Her flesh was rotten. Her whole body was covered in a kind of black fur.

“Aaaaaa”

It was a killed scream which got buried in my throat. My heart could not beat, and I was not able to breath. The whole body was twisted as if a rift had begun inside my body pulling everything in a black hole. I could not stop thinking about her white eyes; it had no pupil in it.

“I also have a tail.” She said.

She scratched my neck with her long nails and a stream of blood oozed out of my neck. I cried out with dismay and pain. I could only hear the crying of the cat. I ghastly tried to save myself but my neck could not tolerate the second attack and my head broke. It rolled down on the floor and that woman turned into a cat; black cat with white eyes. I died.

I know you are feeling sad for me. It is a bit chilling here. Your heart is filling with fear and misery. You are recalling that cat and that girl in the bathroom. May be you are feeling like someone is watching you. Now you are thinking that how can I tell this. You can turn back and see me because I am right behind you.

 

 

        

   

  

 

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